A “Rigged” Ephebe Election: Q.E.D.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

A “Rigged” Ephebe Election: Q.E.D.

When Donald Trump claims that the election is rigged, he is referring to the one that will conclude on Tuesday, November 8. “Large scale voter fraud” is taking place, according to Trump, although he has not offered any concrete evidence to support his allegation. But why should he provide any evidence? “Evidence” in Trump’s domain is simply reiterated accusations. Why bother with evidence when all one has to do is make grandiose statements along these lines: “Isn’t it painfully obvious to anyone not brainwashed by the ‘dishonest and distorted media’ that Clinton’s campaign is engaged in an unprecedented level of duplicity?” Trump’s campaign strategy is to keep asking questions phrased in that manner until people give up hope of ever getting an answer to their request for evidence.

Along with a growing majority of American voters, I myself remain immune to Trump’s contagion, but what if one were to succumb to it and find oneself being bombarded by such messages as the following, which I have obtained from (redacted) sources that must remain anonymous. With considerable trepidation for the consequences I might face for giving you this insight into the logic of the Trump campaign, I pass this document along to you. Please note that this is a piece of satire, and that the Scholastic company and the vote it conducts should be regarded with the highest possible respect.

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FROM: (Redacted)

TO: My Devoted Horde of Deplorables

SUBJECT: Voter Fraud in the Scholastic Survey

Since Hillary Clinton’s surrogates demand evidence of widespread civic corruption, the (redacted) will now provide it, and we need look no further than the recent mock election held by Scholastic, in which school children are asked to vote for their preferred candidate. This synchronic sampling of the general population’s currently ineligible voters is remarkably accurate: since 1964, its outcome has conformed to the pattern of their parents’ voting in the General Election.

The Scholastic survey is in lockstep with the larger conspiracy against (redacted). According to this so-called educational corporation, the current crop of ephebes is continuing to disregard the tradition of “Only white males need apply” for the job of President. After selecting Barack Obama in 2008 and 2012, the nation’s K-12 voters have decisively chosen Hillary Clinton, or so Scholastic is claiming, though they provide no evidence whatsoever that the children voting in this survey are legally entitled to be in this great nation of ours. Without any attempt at verifying their voters’ legal status. Scholastic has given its imprimatur to the claim that schoolchildren have picked the winner for the 14th consecutive time.

One is loathe to spoil the happiness of Hollywood-addled liberals, but let’s be honest, before being honest becomes a crime under Crooked Hilary. Such a streak of prognostication defies credibility. Let’s take a quick look at the outcomes of the past Scholastic-sponsored elections. Since 1964, these young future voters have enthusiastically endorsed Richard Nixon twice (1968 and 1972), Ronald Reagan twice (1980 and 1984), and the Bush family three times (1988, 2000, and 2004). If given the opportunity to act as thoughtful citizens, schoolchildren born since 1950 have demonstrated, in the majority of instances (7 out of 13), that they recognize the right choice. How to account for deviations in the current election, as well as the past two? Three misfires in a row can only mean one thing: a nefarious hand is at work. Let us not be distracted from facts, folks: “She is the Devil, and she has tremendous hatred in her heart.” What more need be proved?

The (redacted) is not surprised that the schoolchildren have picked Hillary Clinton. (Redacted) saw it coming four years ago when Scholastic announced that students had selected Obama over Romney, and indeed their preference prevailed. According to “Business Insider,” (redacted) warned the American public that Romney’s defeat was a “total sham and a travesty.”

It is still not too late, however, for real Americans to stand up and stop this insanity in 2016. Though the Scholastic election most certainly was as rigged as what the Clintons and the mass media have in mind for the election on November 8, the schoolchildren’s vote is only another trapdoor in the Hall of Horrors run by the Democratic party.

Only adult votes ultimately count, and America is counting on us to act like adults and accept the wonderful paternal leadership offered to us by (redacted). Don’t be childish and fall into the trap of a rigged election.

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